And so it begins. I've waited 2 years for this.

As of right now: 1% of the nation has reported their votes so far.
Obama is winning the popular vote by about 200,000 votes. He, however, has 3 out of 270 electoral votes to win by picking up Vermont.

McCain has picked up South Carolina and Kentucky, and therefore has 16 electoral votes.

As I have said before, only 1% of national precincts have been reported.

like falling

You can see the sailboats in Newport Harbor out of a window in my friend’s room. She has lavender curtains and a door which opens out to a balcony with no railings. It’s tempting to walk onto the platform and watch the sunset. I was there yesterday night. I was falling in love. And now I am falling out. It is so much easier, but so much more terrifying.

And I wanted you.
I remembered all the conversations we used to have.
How no one wanted you, only me, how no one cared.
How it hurt to have you never answer my emails, never think twice about my replies.
I spent hours thinking of what I would say to you tomorrow, and never saw you the next day.
I hated looking at you. That was not where your soul was. It was hard to find, who you really were. Still don’t know. Who you are.
Wanted to jump. Wanted to fall. Find you. Find who you really were, staring out into the black water of Newport Harbor.
No ripples. Just black, smooth water.
Wanted to jump in. Crack the icy black glass, shatter the perfect and find the flaw. Dive into the upside down glass ceiling, break the surface. No point in coming back up. And find out who you were. Are. Who you are.
To part the lavender curtains, to fall, out of the platform, tumble down beautifully, in circles, break the perfection. Flying blissfully downward. And hitting shame and deception. Lies.

I want you like falling.

homecoming

Now you know that I decided to be a dork and not go to homecoming this year.

I remember when Victoria posted last year and announced her date: Campell, Reece. Biology, 7th edition.

I guess I stole him from her. Sorry, Victoria.
But, unlike you, I have more than one date for homecoming night. Because on top of my bio book is my US history book. and on top of that is my math book, and on top of that is nathaniel hawthorne's beauty (at least it was until i over analyzed it), the scarlet letter.

A bunch of my friends won't be sleeping tonight. They'll be up partying with a sugar high and goodness knows what other types of highs. I won't be sleeping either. I guess it'll be because I have what you might call a homework high. But I highly doubt it'll be as much fun.

At least the hangovers will be equally as disastrous.

Go away Gustav

Hurricane Gustav will be flooding New Orleans by tomorrow morning.

We all feel pity for those who lose everything they worked for. And our hearts go out to those affected by Hurricane Katrina.
But few of us have gone through the feeling of trying to comprehend the fact that they have lost part of their lives because of mother nature.

Now I will. Almost.

But I am afraid of losing memories, I will likely lose the places where those memories were made if the levees fail, if the surge gets to 15ft.

Hurricane Gustav will be washing away a part of my life by tomorrow morning.

oooh la la

well.
the first day of my last two years of high school starts tomorrow.

i want to barf.

this is the first time in my entire schooling career that i've actually NOT WANTED to go to school.
there was always a piece of me years past that was excited to see all my friends again, start a new year, hooray, yay, happy happy happy!

waking up at 5:50 tomorrow and getting dressed will feel like hell. i already know it.
just by looking at my schedule it seems as though i'm taking a break, not having P.E. anymore and dropping AP Psych. but then of course i'm adding a sport, and, oh, two or three clubs.

and i'm not prepared. the only thing i did was pack my lunch and my pencil case and attempt to find my backpack.

now i'm listening to ABBA full blast, i'm trying to forget everything....and...."tonight the super trouper lights are gonna find me...shining like the sun.....smiling, having fun...."

goodbye summer. i spent 10 months wishing for 2 precious months and now the vicious cycle willl start anew.

oooh la la.

well, i'll just have to make the best out of it. i'll manage to have fun.
i always do, anyway.

cheers to my junior year at Fountain Valley High School, home of the Barons, psychos, AP kids, and jocks (i have yet to find them)

wish me luck.

summer.
finally, finally, summer.

i asked a senior to sign my yearbook and told him to make it meaningful, but i could tell from the smirk on his face that he didn't really mean what he wrote when he gave it back to me.
i promised myself that i wouldn't read anyone's comment until the day after school ended but a sentence or two of his caught my eye. so of course i broke my own promise and read it.

I wish I could be there when you realize that everything you're doing now is more important than any grade you'll ever get. Don't let the world pass you by.

I knew it was a bunch of BS. He had helped me write a board application earlier in the year and it went more or less along the same lines. But either way, it made me think.
I didn't exactly enjoy my sophomore year. Nothing exciting happened, nothing out of the ordinary. My teachers taught the same way, every day, and nothing truly truly truly memorable happened. If Monday was the first day of school all over again there wouldn't have been a difference. But something else that he wrote- that i was ambitious. Yes, i tried hard- very hard, actually, to make it to the top, to be number one. But i did that every day too, and the monotony of it bored me.
But was it really my teachers' fault that i became almost bored to death? Maybe it was mine. Maybe because I chose to forget what happened in the day because none of it mattered at the time. Maybe because I chose to close myself off from the rest of the world and concentrate on one specific thing each day, without realizing what was going on around me. the experiences i went through, the memories i made- i chose to forget them all.
i let the world pass me by while i was trying to get all A's, i let the world pass me by while i was trying to impress others, i let everything fall apart while i was trying to put my life together.
And now i know.
While others are vowing to do better next year and to get better grades, I will promise myself that I'm going to enjoy school- actually enjoy what I'm going through because it will shape ME- it will make me who I am.
So would you take a look a that, Mr. Huy Dao. I don't think I've fully realized it yet, with finals swooping down on me and a transcript that really really really doesn't want another B. But i'm getting closer, closer to admitting that maybe what you wrote in my yearbook wasn't BS afterall.