Dear Spring

Dear Spring,
Please excuse this belated welcome into 2008. I always wished and wondered when you would come. I even prepared for your arrival. I planted the poppy seeds, I put fertilizer in the persimmon and leechee, and I planted the blueberry, blackberry, and tomato plants. And now that you're here, I've been basking in the sun you've so kindly decided to shine for hours and hours. I've been listening to the twittering of the birds and the buzzing of the insects. And when the cool wind that's blowing turns my face to the sun brightens my day, I think of you, Spring. I thank you for the rays that shine a light on my memories, I thank you for the bliss and the happiness that you bring along.
So, again, I would like to welcome you into this brand new year. You've always done a great deal for me in the past, and I'm sure that you'll be in my memories when I look back at this season years from now.

the song. and then the memory.

3 years ago on the Santa Monica pier, "where'd you go?" by fort minor was playing from the kiis fm beach shack. the sun shining brightly, the sweetness of cotton candy swarming in my mouth, the waves crashing in the distance. and people. people fishing people laughing people eating people having a wonderful time.
and 3 years later, i'm cleaning my room and "where'd you go?" is playing on the radio. and my room dissolves and i'm back on the Santa Monica pier. but the sun is less bright, the cotton candy less sweet, the waves less powerful, and the people have no expression. and the pier dissolves in my mind but my room is still a blury picture. i'm crying. because i was so happy so carefree smiling laughing the sun shining shining shining the warmth, my life was complete.
and so i take each song from each period in my life.
and when i want to take myself back-
back to summer school
back to louisiana
back to lazy summers
back to new york
back to love and life and crushes and freshman year
i listen to the song. and then the memory.

girls are mean

okay, i'm a girl too. and girls are mean.
they backstab.
they lie.
they have their own little group of "friends"
and they turn their backs on everyone else.
they whisper.
they gossip.
they communicate with their eyes and share a secret laugh about their "other best friend"- "she's soo weird. she creeps me out. God she's sooo annoying."

yes, girls care,
girls love,
girls have more feelings than guys- or do guys just keep it to themselves?
girls can cause more pain.
they punch with words,
the stab with secrets,
they kill by rolling their eyes and walking away.

we're a tough, tough species.
the lioness in the jungle,
the shark in the ocean.

and the next time you see him

and the next time you see him
his cardboard box
his mansion,

his black trashbag

his walk-in closet,

his outdated newspapers

his tip-top insulation,

and his grocery cart

the attic where he stores all things precious

stare into his eyes

go past the hollowness

and try to see the good.

light the fire that was extinguished

keep going past the layers of sadness and despair

and walk three miles in his shoes.

and the homeless man lives in a mansion

with an attic filled with memories, the only things he can keep.

what AP Euro taught me

today in AP Euro we grouped words like "magic, spring, summer, ghosts, blood, revolution, love, passion" into different colors. summer was yellow, blood and revolution were red, spring was green. but what i learned was that there was so much beyond the "word".
passion isn't just red. passion is agony. like a heart that has burst, like lungs that have run out of air, pain ripping at every part of the body. unfulfilled happiness, crying tears of gratitude.
and summer. a sticky yellow, a blinding yellow. every pore soaking up the sun. eyes squinting, face scrunched up, laziness overcoming perfection.
and love. love is passion, but love is worse than agony. love is blind. love is deaf. love runs out of control and crashes into a million little pieces, worth less than the broken beer bottle in the sidewalk gutter. and every time it rains, more of the memory washes down the drain. yes, fulfilled love is red. but a broken heart, stiched poorly together, patched by a blind man- that love is gray.

2007: IT HAPPENED

2007 will be over in around 3 hours, and it seems like each minute is passing by faster and faster. These past 365 days have been the most amazing of my life. each experience that i went through, i learned something new, something that made me smarter than before, stronger than ever. it's so hard to believe that just this january- JUST this january, i was a freshman. and it's even harder to believe that in the year of 2008, i'll be a junior. and next year starts tomorrow.
saying that i LOVED 2007 is an understatement. i cherished every moment, i wished it would drag on and on, and now, looking back...i wish that every second that had meaning to me would last forever.
saying that i learned so much in 2007 doesn't say anything at all. it was like i put on reality glasses and saw the truth in people. I looked inside myself, and saw a total stranger in january, and checked back in again, today, December 31 2007, and recognized a long lost friend.
2007: IT HAPPENED. it was destined to happen the moment i took a vacation from reality years ago, it been happening for 365 days, and it will always happen in my soul. this amazing year, this amazing scrapbook will always be open for me.

coolidge, arizona II

i thought this would be funny.
i'm still in the library in Arizona, still at the computer, and the gangster is still sitting next to me. but he's on now.
anyway- out of the 5 people on computers, the only people under 18 would be...me and the gangster. the other three are WAY over their 70s.
the phrase "making a racket" suddenly came to mind.
one of the ladies all of a sudden yelled, "Haw do ya tuurn the vaaaluuuumme dowwn? it's hurtan mah earzzz!"
and the man next t0 her tried to shove his library card into some random slot in the computer, to "activate" it, and ended up cussing at the computer and saying computers were "gafts frum duh Deval."
and the man next to him is humming some military song from when he served in the Vietnam War, telling us "kids" to "chairish the freedum y'all have, yunguns!"
i told y'all this before, and i'm tellin' y'all again:
I LOVE THIS PLACE.