Name: Kimberly Renee Ngai Age: FIFTEEN!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I'm 15 years old. *gasp*
thanks everyone for the nice b-day wishes. it was great :)

I got home on Friday and I did exactly nothing until 11 p.m., when I finally decided to use my brain for a little while and I started to talk to my mom... and remind her that it was only going to be my b-day for 1 more hour.

and that's when she said it.
that's when she said that itty bitty little sentence...that got me thinking and gloomy and sooo sad that i almost started to cry. it was that feeling of regret. horrible feeling.

and this is what she said:
"15 already? well, did you ever think about the fact that you're never, EVER going to be 14 again?"

I was pissed when she said that. Really really pissed.
I realize how stupid this must sound...but seriously! I'm never going to be 14 for the rest of my life. obviously. but-

On the day before my birthday i was so excited to be 15, I never even thought for a nanosecond about the 365 days I had lived, being 14 years old...I never even thought about anything that happened to me...not one memory, not one happy one, not one moment that i lived, not one moment that i lived for.

And now that it's gone...

now that it's gone...


there's a poem that someone wrote, i forgot the author... but one of the stanzas stuck with me.

"It seemed to mean so little,
looking back- meant so much...
my fingertips, little strings attached on the ends
drawing me towards my fate.
my fate,
the past."

so now i'm 15 and i'm going to remember this moment,
me, sitting at the computer at 10:01 p.m., October 14, 2007, thinking about tomorrow,
anxious because my homework is half done.

I haven't changed much.