and when my blood begins to boil
when my i feel like my heart is going to burst
when my hands curl into a fist, my nails digging
painfully into my skin
my teeth clenched, my head fit to explode,
the tears that i try so hard to keep back burst forth.
anger
hate
stop rolling your eyes.
stop laughing at me.
i hate how it makes you laugh to see me mad.
you say i'm a drama queen but maybe i can't take you anymore.
i'm sorry i'm crying but i'm not asking for forgiveness.
i'm ashamed that i'm crying- ashamed that i have to show how weak i am- i cannot- i will not- let you see me break again.
but then i take deep breaths, calm myself,
read something sad, maybe.
and all the feeling is gone. just numb. numb inside, my brain is numb, my heart is dead.
i don't want to ask for forgiveness, because i stopped wanting forgiveness long ago.
but i want to go to my friend's house tomorrow.
i learned a vocab word in AP Euro a few days ago. it's called appeasement.
if i say i'm really super sorry, will you let me hang out?
i still hate you.
and what really sucks is that the feeling between us is mutual.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Posted by kim at 7:16 PM
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2 comments:
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Vinho, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://vinho-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.
As your "psychologist", I think I know exactly who and what you're talking about. Kim you're an amazing person, don't let other people, no matter who they are, hurt you. You're you and whatever people say, it shouldn't make you feel ashamed or sorry for your emotions. All I can say is for this situation appeasement is probably the best way. I wish you the best of luck.
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