Name: Kimberly Renee Ngai Age: FIFTEEN!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I'm 15 years old. *gasp*
thanks everyone for the nice b-day wishes. it was great :)

I got home on Friday and I did exactly nothing until 11 p.m., when I finally decided to use my brain for a little while and I started to talk to my mom... and remind her that it was only going to be my b-day for 1 more hour.

and that's when she said it.
that's when she said that itty bitty little sentence...that got me thinking and gloomy and sooo sad that i almost started to cry. it was that feeling of regret. horrible feeling.

and this is what she said:
"15 already? well, did you ever think about the fact that you're never, EVER going to be 14 again?"

I was pissed when she said that. Really really pissed.
I realize how stupid this must sound...but seriously! I'm never going to be 14 for the rest of my life. obviously. but-

On the day before my birthday i was so excited to be 15, I never even thought for a nanosecond about the 365 days I had lived, being 14 years old...I never even thought about anything that happened to me...not one memory, not one happy one, not one moment that i lived, not one moment that i lived for.

And now that it's gone...

now that it's gone...


there's a poem that someone wrote, i forgot the author... but one of the stanzas stuck with me.

"It seemed to mean so little,
looking back- meant so much...
my fingertips, little strings attached on the ends
drawing me towards my fate.
my fate,
the past."

so now i'm 15 and i'm going to remember this moment,
me, sitting at the computer at 10:01 p.m., October 14, 2007, thinking about tomorrow,
anxious because my homework is half done.

I haven't changed much.

That Small Thing.

Friday-
again.

The week passed by so fast- too fast-
again.

I need time, I need to find time, I need to make time-
to turn around-
calm down-

and think about the days that have flown
by.

Because people say, “What is the point of life?”

To live it with a purpose, surely.

But… what purpose? What am I doing-
everyday-
that I will remember and when I’m 85 years old-
I’ll tell myself that it was worthwhile?

Everyday-
I go to school. Get through my 7 classes. And then-
go home, do my homework,
watch TV.,
play piano (fat chance)
and go to sleep.

You could only say I have a life-
on the weekends. It seems like the world wakes up on
Friday night, the world wakes up from 5 days
in a coma.

2 days of bliss, and then-
the cycle starts all over again.

---------------------------------------

So.
Friday-
again.

The week came and went.
I got time, I found time, I made time-
to turn around-
to calm down-

and think about the days that have flown
by.

Because people say, “What is the point of life?”

To live life with a purpose,
to find that small thing
in each and every single day
that puts a smile on my face-

to find that small moment in that never ending day
that I’ll remember for the rest of my life

that makes me think about who I am-
and how I will be in the future.

It makes all the difference in my day,

It makes all the difference between a vicious cycle
and a circle of life,

It makes all the difference between who I am
and who I could have been.

But-
don’t dwell on the past for too long-

because they are cannibals, these memories,

and they will eat you alive,
they will drown you with overwhelming emotions.

So.
Look forward, too. Look to the future.
And try to make yourself a better person.

Better than yesterday-

and tomorrow- better than
today.

-----------------------------------
that’s it.
I’ve worn myself out.

No more meaningful posts until…

until I find time to calm down,
think about yesterday…

and hopefully my memories won’t eat me up.