All my <3, Kim

Well, Dr. Poff got it right. I'm one of the ranting bloggers.
I try to write something meaningful... but it always comes out in this weird, twisted way.
God.

I try to talk about politics. But people say it's boring.
Who cares about politics? Elections are next year. Fred Thompson and Bill Richardson could be your neighbors, for all you would know.

So what is meaningful to people? Sabrina writes about life going on...extra credit...Amanda writes about killing crickets and tired tuesdays...and Tooba talks about kids in some baren ghost town in New Mexico. yay.

But I have profound moments too. Big, profound, the lump-in-your-throat-so-it's-hard-to-swallow moments where you get all misty eyed.
But by the time I get home and plunk myself infront of the computer at 9:30 p.m., that feeling's gone and is replaced with frustration and annoyance and countless other things.
And my big moments are left to take their rightful place in my brain: at the bottom, congealing and decaying so that by the next day they're gone.
And then it happens all over again.

But something that's bothering me right now? Go ask my personal psychologist, Sabrina Syed. She gets paid big bucks for having to listen to my rants and complaints and...everything else.

But one thing that's taking hold of my mind? PERFECTIONISTS.
Is there even such thing as a perfectionist?
People aren't perfect. But..they try to be. And why try to be perfect? People like you for who you are...they like you for your interesting personality and you humor and your outlook on life. So why try to be someone that you can never be? It bothers me.
It really, really does.
The people that redo their homework because of an accidental crinkle they made on their paper from an eraser...
Come on.
It annoys people.
It annoys me, anyway.

I learned something really interesting from someone last year.
BE YOU...AND BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE.

key word: proud.













so. this is my blog. i'm ranting again. maybe it's not me to be telling people that life goes on. i'll think of something smart to say for tomorrow. hopefully it'll blow someone away. i'll try to remember my profound moments. they're quite moving. really.

IN 15 YEARS.

In 15 years, I'll be 30.
I tell people that and they're like, "well, duh. duh, duh, duh."
But it's not just DUH.
30 is like... having a husband and possibly kids.
30 is like...having a job and working and...driving.
30 is like...done with school and having to think about things like mortgages and taxes and what to buy at the market tomorrow and was it a mistake to get this pair of jeans and did I pay the electrical bill yet?

Just thinking about when I'm going to be 30-
i get that feeling of unease, kind of like before a piano recital. It's...not the best feeling in the world.

But when I was little- and I didn't think of taxes and bills and downpayments to make on homes- I imagined myself in New York City walking to work everyday, passing Time Square on the way to my office in a Georgio Armani business suit with stiletto heels and a Louis Vuitton purse. And walking my jack russel terrier in Central Park on the weekends. With a cat in my penthouse in Trump Tower...

And that way of thinking has stuck with me. (well except for I'll be living in Boston, instead of NYC-it's nicer) It's the fact that i've set such high standards for myself- and dreamt about them, even, that i can't let go of my goal to be rich and happy, the ultimate elite city girl. Are my standards too high?

I don't even know for sure what college i want to go to, I don't even know for sure if i want to be a biochemist. I don't want a husband, I definately don't want kids, I want lots and lots of good friends with a nice life. I want to have parties in my apartment and invite my family over and show them that I, Kimberly Renee Ngai, am a successful woman with a wonderful life.

So what is the point, exactly, of writing all of this?
I don't know. Maybe to prove to everyone that I CAN BE SOMEONE.
People always tell me I need to stop stressing before tests and that I am overachieving in almost everything that I do.
But look at how i want my life to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look at the standards I've set for myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you just wait. Give me 15 years.
Find me in 15 years and you'll see that the stressing and overachieving paid off. YOU JUST WAIT.

Friday!!!!

Well...today is Friday. Already. I can't believe how fast the days are passing. Well I'm not going to the Homecoming dance on Sat. and since it's about 7:50 p.m., everyone at the football game is ready to figure out who Homecoming King and Queen are... GO TYTUS!!!!!!! :D

Not much is going on in the political world...well except for the president of Iran is coming to America and he wanted to visit Ground Zero...but of course Pres. Bush said no.
I visited Ground Zero this summer and I thought there would actually be an open space for everyone to look at. Not really. There was fencing, and tarp was covering the fence so the only way people would be able to see the site would be through holes in the tarp. The monument that is going up in place of the World Trade Centers isn't all that great. Everyone expected it to be something big and beautiful and symbolic, but to me, it looks like any other building. Oh well.

We don't have cable TV anymore. :(
So now I can't watch CNN and the Travel Chanel and Discovery Chanel and Animal Planet...and HGTV. You'd be suprised how much you can learn on HGTV.
At least I have ABC (dancing with the stars!) and Fox ( for the Simpsons)...

okay, well... that's my report!

for sabrina.

i know. i'm blogging again. on the same day. almost at the same time. i feel like a geek but i have to write this because... JUST because. this is mostly for sabrina though... yes, a post dedicated to her, because i know she will like this.

sabrina.....sabrina.
do you remember the time in 9th grade...
when we laughed until we almost died?
the time you put all of our notes into a black folder and called it blackmail?
the time i did summersaults down the hill?
the time...
the time...
the time...
OH SABRINA. do you remember going into the staff lounge and taking butcher paper? do you remember the yellow butcher paper...the blue butcher paper... the red yarn?
do you remember...
yearbook class? wired baron? our premature start to CSF?

last year. last year, last year, last year.

god i miss it.
maybe i need a psychologist to lable my feelings.
or maybe i just have some random disliking toward psychologists...
or maybe not so random.

PEER COURT!

Wow. Peer court… IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!!!! it was one of the really great experiences I’ve had at FVHS… something only second to International Week :P

So I was one of the nine jurors in the first case, trying to decide what kind of punishment I should give to an 18 year old that was driving without a license. Can't say much about it here because then it wouldn't be confidential (i feel important saying that) :)

I was a little nervous volunteering for juror because I have almost no idea about laws and all of that stuff. It's all still pretty new to me, but the whole idea of PEER court is pretty cool becuase we can relate to how the guilty people feel and why they might have committed those crimes.

It was such a good experience being a juror, I'm SO GOING TO DO JURY DUTY when I'm an adult. I wish that they had peer court every month...but then I'd probably be better off doing mock trial, right? Oh well, at least I'm in MUN.

School is going pretty good right now, apart from all the homework and seriousness of lots of my classes (Wired baron doesn't really make it on that list) :D. Guess i'm just so used to last year, where everyone was still chasing each other in class and making the most random remarks. But it was fun. lots and lots of fun...

okay so now the political corner:

HILLARY CLINTON. man, she is insane. so insane that she's probably, MOST PROBABLY going to win the election. There aren't a lot of people that are still for the Republicans, and Clinton is just the smartest and most fit for the presidency. So lots and lots of years ago, when her hair was still poofy and long and her husband wasn't even president yet, she was campaigning for a healthcare plan that nobody was for. So here she is now, going for the same healthcare plan...and it looks like people might accept it. I feel like we're in a time warp or something. Hillary Clinton is going for the same healthcare plan that she was for over a decade ago, and OJ Simpson is back in court. WOW.

Kay, g2g and start my homework...at 10 p.m. Wish me luck. :)

take a look at the GINORMOUS picture

So at school today I was talking to my friend who’s in World History and she was telling me about how she’s in the “ghetto” class. She’s not very happy about sitting in a class where all the people around her are asking things like, “What’s a government?” or “What’s a law?” or even “Who the heck is George Bush?”. She has one of the highest grades (106%) because she’s one of the few people that does their homework and gets it signed. So after I cracked up, I really started to ask myself why there's always group of kids at school, or a few groups of kids that are so far behind. And truthfully, is it just their fault, or is there someone else to blame?
But as I looked at the BIG picuture, the GINORMOUS picture, it's not just at FVHS were there is a group that's always trailing far behind. I spent my summer in the southern states (ex. Louisiana, Mississippi), and that's where the idea first popped into my head. I don't want to be mean, and I certainly don't mean to discriminate, but it's a fact that in the United States, there are WAY fewer African-Americans that go to college, than, let's say, Asians. And sure, whenever Rev. Jesse Jackson is speaking in public, he says the reason for why his race is behind everyone else's is because of slavery and discrimination. But the generation of slavery is long gone. So why are they still behind?
I'm going to make my answer brief...short...and concise. :) It's not only the kids' fault that he's not doing so great in school, it's also the parents' fault. They're the ones that set the examples for their kids. If Dad's out of work and sitting around the house watching TV, the example that he's going to set for his kids will be one of laziness and unproductivity. His son won't know any better. The parent takes the initiative to set the example for his kids, whether positive or negative. So if Dad does nothing everyday, his son will learn from that and fail at school. When the son gets married and has a kid, he's going to teach his son the same thing- that work doesn't matter. If that keeps going from generation to generation that race will fall farther and farther behind. But let's take another step back and see everyone as an individual. It's their job, and nobody else's, to make sure that they are setting a good example for the next generation. Of course it's possible for people to catch up, only if everyone is given a fair chance and opportunity. I always hear people saying, "Asians are smart." But not all Asians are smart; it's mostly because AN INDIVIDUAL'S parents urge them to study and try hard. And if everyone could do that...if everyone's parents could do that and set a good example, then we wouldn't have a group of kids at FVHS, or anywhere else in the world that would be behind.


WOW I realize I wrote like...a very lengthly and unorganized essay. Oh well, it's modified day today and I don't have that much homework (never thought I'd type that).
So is any1 keeping an eye on '08 elections????? McCain seems to be getting back A LITTLE into the race. Too bad he's almost broke. :D

FIRST POST!!!!!!!

Oooooh, first post in my entire life. What a geek, what a geek.
SATURDAY. the best day of the week, where you can sleep late...and wake up on Sunday to a mountain of homework.
Soooo... i attempted to start my homework today but no luck, i don't have any pressure to finish it yet, so i'll just wait until Sunday night to get a leeeetle heart attack. maybe i'll finish it in zero period :) on Monday.
maybe.

Hopefully some other day like tomorrow i'll write a little more... i'll write something with substance...and it'll be so interesting your eyes will pop out of their sockets. hey sabrina...maybe i'll talk about the time you poured soda down your nose... :P