In 15 years, I'll be 30.
I tell people that and they're like, "well, duh. duh, duh, duh."
But it's not just DUH.
30 is like... having a husband and possibly kids.
30 is like...having a job and working and...driving.
30 is like...done with school and having to think about things like mortgages and taxes and what to buy at the market tomorrow and was it a mistake to get this pair of jeans and did I pay the electrical bill yet?
Just thinking about when I'm going to be 30-
i get that feeling of unease, kind of like before a piano recital. It's...not the best feeling in the world.
But when I was little- and I didn't think of taxes and bills and downpayments to make on homes- I imagined myself in New York City walking to work everyday, passing Time Square on the way to my office in a Georgio Armani business suit with stiletto heels and a Louis Vuitton purse. And walking my jack russel terrier in Central Park on the weekends. With a cat in my penthouse in Trump Tower...
And that way of thinking has stuck with me. (well except for I'll be living in Boston, instead of NYC-it's nicer) It's the fact that i've set such high standards for myself- and dreamt about them, even, that i can't let go of my goal to be rich and happy, the ultimate elite city girl. Are my standards too high?
I don't even know for sure what college i want to go to, I don't even know for sure if i want to be a biochemist. I don't want a husband, I definately don't want kids, I want lots and lots of good friends with a nice life. I want to have parties in my apartment and invite my family over and show them that I, Kimberly Renee Ngai, am a successful woman with a wonderful life.
So what is the point, exactly, of writing all of this?
I don't know. Maybe to prove to everyone that I CAN BE SOMEONE.
People always tell me I need to stop stressing before tests and that I am overachieving in almost everything that I do.
But look at how i want my life to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look at the standards I've set for myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you just wait. Give me 15 years.
Find me in 15 years and you'll see that the stressing and overachieving paid off. YOU JUST WAIT.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
IN 15 YEARS.
Posted by kim at 9:58 PM
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2 comments:
High standards are good – "Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" (even though that makes absolutely no sense from an astronomical point of view).
But the real danger lies in accepting the future you determine for yourself as your one and only destiny. You have two eyes; keep one on your goal, but keep the other on the ground beneath your feet. Many people rightly start out with high expectations, but forget to watch where they're going. They don't notice the fork in the road until they're far away from where they thought they would end up. It's not always a bad place – just not what they expected.
High standards are good. Just keep an eye open for life's inevitable twists and turns.
don't worry kim, i never tell u not to overacheive, i tell not to overdo it :) especially in certain subjects...
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